According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, 1 in 5 women will be raped at some point in their lives. That is 20 percent of all women. Now, that may not seem like a big number. However, let’s multiply that number by the amount of women on earth right now. There are 3.52 billion women. Multiply that number by .2 and you get 704,000,000. That is seven hundred and four million women getting raped in their lifetime. That number is terrifying.

Here is another terrifying statistic. Coming from the NSVRC, “More than 90% of sexual assault victims on college campuses do not report the assault” (NSVRC). Wow. I don’t know about you, but this frightens me. To think there are so many of our classmates, friends, and sisters who are walking around campus as victims of this terrible crime is absolutely devastating. To think that some of these people never feel comfortable enough to come forward, is even more scary. U.S. campuses have become a place where the resources and outlets are provided, but it is almost as if it is looked down upon to utilize these resources . When we begin to speak up and tell those who have been affected that they are no longer alone, that is when the change begins. When we, as students, change societies viewpoints, new acceptance has come.

As a college freshman, I have many friends going to big and small universities. There has become a deepening wound in each colleges foundation as more and more young women and men become victims of sexual abuse and rape. With alcohol and drugs thrown into the mix, there tends to be a handful of excuses that attempt to justify these actions.

Also from the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, it is reported that “rape is the most under-reported crime; 63% of sexual assaults are not reported to police”. Rape has become something no one wants to talk about or discuss. Some rape victims are so scarred by the events that they do not feel comfortable talking openly about them, which is completely understandable. Others, however, want to speak up but do not believe their voice will truly be heard.

This is written from a college students point of view. I am not a victim of sexual abuse or rape, I am simply someone who cares deeply about this subject. This is also not meant to be a political diatribe, for this issue transcends any specific administration. This is about people being motivated to make a change in this world, no matter how small.

These statistics should cause us to at least attempt to make a change on our campuses. However, our culture seems to be turning away from these subjects now more than ever.

We risk becoming too idle when it comes to issues such as sexual assault and rape in college. In our culture today, rape and sexual assault victims are left to testify for themselves.

There is a problem, not only in our secular culture on campus, but also within the church.

I have grown up going to church all of my life. There have been plenty of sermons on healing, sin, marriage, purity, etc. However, sexual assault and rape are dark topics that are too “risky” for the church to speak to.

I would like to comment on this issue because I feel very passionate about this. There is a reason Jesus died for all of us. It was so we ALL could be set free and feel his unconditional love.

“Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.”

Luke 15:7

For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.

2 Corinthians 4:6

How can we truly talk about God’s incredible light when we shy away from the darkness He has come to break through?

Why on earth have we decided that sexual assault and rape and any other violent act  on campus for that matter is something taboo?

In my microeconomics class we talked about brands. Yes, brands. However, we discussed the ultimate brand. The cross. We choose to represent christianly with a torture device.

Why would we do that?

Because through that device, darkness was overtaken and the whole history of man kind was overturned. The savior conquered the same darkness no one wants to talk about.

We need to become a society that openly talks about the dark subjects. The ones we are afraid of most. Because if we do not begin to do so, those suffering will have no where to turn and will keep their mouths closed, because what is the point of opening them if they are going to be seen as overdramatic and as a liar?  By coming together, we can speak up on our campuses and bring to light this dark issue.

What gospel are we preaching if we don’t take matters such as these into our own hands and into the hands of the only one who can heal, redeem, save, and sanctify?

We need to encourage the church to step out of its own comfort zone and not be fearful of preaching on those topics.

I think it is so easy for churches in todays culture to focus inwardly. Churches focus on what their building looks like, what needs upgrading, what new technology is out their, and so on. When in reality, there is One church. We might get people into the building using those tactics. But we will never get them to stay. We need to become a culture that says, “Hey, it is NOT okay. No, you are NOT lying. I believe you. I will stand with you.”

Our churches must become more for the people, instead of the building they stand in. It is vital that we become a community of people who are not afraid to talk about difficult topics in the church and outside the church. Jesus came to save and seek the lost. Healthy people don’t need a doctor, sick people do. Jesus needs us to be lights in the dark world. But that doesn’t mean ignoring the darkness that is all around us. It means reaching into the darkest areas of life and shining our lights. Recognizing that there is darkness in this world, people will struggle and go through the darkest of times, but it is how we define our light that allows it to illuminate in even the darkest of places.

People who go to church and people who are not religious, we have a battle to fight and now is the time.

We must raise our voices for those who are to afraid to raise theirs. We need to stop pretending it is the new “norm”, because it is not, and it will never be.

It will never be too late.

For those who have been sexually abused or raped, I would like to be the first to apologize for some of our communities failure to recognize your voices and your cries. What was done to you was far beyond what I can even comprehend. Physically, yes, but also mentally and emotionally. Let me tell you this. Just because they made you feel worthless, does not make you any less valuable. You are forever loved and adored. You are priceless and bought with a price. You are beautiful and no man can ever take that away from you.

“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.”

Proverbs 31:25

We will break the silence that our country has tried so desperately to maintain. We will fight for justice. We will overcome on all fronts because you are not alone. You will never fight alone.  No matter what college you may or may not attend, this is an epidemic and it must be stopped.

“So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.”

Deuteronomy 31:6

References:

Statistics About Sexual Violence. (2015). Retrieved March 30, 2017, from http://www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/publications_nsvrc_factsheet_media-packet_statistics-about-sexual-violence_0.pdf

As freshman year comes to a close in as little as 1.5 months, I thought I would take the time to look back. My time as a freshman in college was a bit unconventional, but I have learned more than I ever thought I would about life and about myself. I hope this helps those still in high school who are about to embark on their next adventure, and I also hope this helps those finishing up their first year to look back and realize how much freshman year matters.

1.) Your dorm room will be both your sanctuary and your least favorite place.

This could not be more accurate. There are many nights when you will be so overwhelmed, you may just want to curl up in bed and cry. There will be many days when this all just seems like too much to handle and you just want to sleep. That is what makes dorms such a calming place to be. A place where you, 2, or 3 other people live and experience this crazy adventure together. It is such a source of laughter, smiles, tears, and pure memories. However, it may also be your least favorite place. Homesickness is a real thing. As much as some of us want to be independent and on our own, we will all feel it when our parents leave and it is 3 in the morning working on an essay due the very next day (procrastination is a real thing as well). You will just want to sleep in your own bed, get a hug from mom or dad, and feel the comfort of home and the pets that come along with it. Being confined to a single room can be very tough, especially when going through such a transition. But it is all about community. Everyone else feels the same exact way. You will not be alone in this.

2.) You will long for home-cooked meals after weeks of dining halls and Easy-Mac.

Ahhh yes. The beautiful home-cooked meal. Easy-mac is a wonderful thing. However, after eating it for every meal at least once a month, you learn that diminishing marginal utility is actually something you can apply to your life (shoutout to all of my Business/Econ majors!). When you can’t stand mac and cheese and ramen, you could totally head over to the dining hall. You quickly learn that nothing compares to a home-cooked meal and even the best dining hall food gets old quickly. Be thankful for the food you do get the opportunity to eat daily, but never forget that mom/dad or grandma/grandpa makes it best.

3.) It is okay to not be okay.

When everyone moves in the first day of college, everything is exciting and brand new. New friends. New home. New schedule. Once classes begin, even that can be exciting because you are finally embarking on this grand new adventure. As time goes by, you slowly begin to realize that college isn’t all daisies and roses. Between the countless hours studying, the failed exams even after studying, the homesickness, the stress of being on your own, the struggles of making the right decisions, basically everything that comes with becoming an independent adult, this time period can be very difficult for many, if not all of us. I personally struggled with anxiety. I went through a season in my life that I thought I would never get through. I honestly did not think anyone else was struggling. I believed that everyone else was having such an easy time with college and that I was the only one struggling. Little did I know that there were so many people who felt the same exact way. Building that community of people and building each other up together is something that is crucial in this time of transition. College is HARD. And it is absolutely okay to not be okay. Cry as much as you need to. If you look past the surface, there will always be someone with a shoulder to cry on.

4.) Baths. You will miss them. Make the most of them when you get the chance.

This is for all of my fellow people who absolutely find baths essential. This one is pretty straight forward. You may have a bath tub at home to relax in while reading a good book. But don’t get too comfortable. Enjoy it while you can, because for the next 4-8 years (depending on your major), you will have very limited access to your bathtub you hold so dear to your heart. Enjoy it during those breaks, summers, and long weekends and never ever EVER take it for granted.

5.) Figure out what you truly love, and follow that.

I am terrible at making decisions. Always have been. Most likely always will be. However, I have learned how to improve in one area of my decision-making that has impacted my whole life. I love to make other people happy. I love doing things for other people and being with people and just overall seeing people full of smiles, laughter, and joy. Who doesn’t love that? But it gets to the point sometimes of basing all of the decisions I make on what will make other people happy. Before my freshmen year of college, I made a lot of decisions this way. Of course it brought me joy knowing someone was proud of me or that I was making someone happy, but truly I was not focused on my own well-being and the loves the Lord has placed inside my heart. When I finally starting tapping into what God has blessed me with in terms of passions, I slowly learned that life is about helping others and making other people feel joy and love. Also, God created each of us with a plan already laid out. He made each of us unique and with specific loves and passions rooted into the depth of our being (p.s. don’t we have such an INCREDIBLE god???). If we are so focused on making other people happy, we will never truly be happy. We can’t live every moment of every day satisfying the wants of others when God is the one in charge of our lives. Find the things you love to do. Don’t give up on those things for any one or anything. Because you have such a bigger part in Gods incredible design than you think you do. One day, you will look back at the master piece God created through your life and you will finally realize that the person you never thought you could be, who you wanted and longed to be, is exactly what God had planned all along.

6.) Some friends will come and some friends will go, but the ones that stay through it all are the ones to never let go of.

College is a HUGE transition. It is a time and season of making new friends, while staying connected to old friends. However, college does change many people and with that change comes the loss of some friendships you thought would last a lifetime. It is a very painful thing to come to terms with, but it helps you realize who your forever friends are. Being thankful for the friendships you are developing as well as the old friends who have stuck around is vital to a joyful attitude in this season. I believe that God brings people into our lives for a reason and no relationship is in vain. Friendships fade sometimes and this helps us to understand that life is messy and some relationships are worth fighting for more than others. Allow God to really soften your heart and open doors. You will be amazed at what’s on the other side.

7.) Change is hard, but it is necessary.

Getting through your freshman year of anything is a huge milestone, but especially college. Every single one of us who goes down the college path must endure their first year. I am not a fan of change. I am not a fan of the unknown. I love plans and I love to stick to them. The people who know me probably know this very well by now. However, I now view change in a very different light than I used to. See, before college I was coasting. I coasted through high school with the same routine. Wake up. Go to class. Go to practice. Go home. That was my routine, with maybe a little hiccup here or there along the way. When I got to college, I do not think I was prepared well enough for what I was going to experience. Change got the best of me and knocked me down. But it is when we get back up and push through that changes our hearts the most. Change is a beautiful thing. I never thought I was going to say that 4 months ago. But I have seen how God works through the change to bring opportunities, to open doors, and to open our eyes to a whole new perspective. Change can be uncomfortable, believe me I know that full well. But luckily, sweet beautiful souls, we have a God who already knows what’s up ahead. We don’t need to worry about plans getting screwed up, because Gods plans can never be screwed up. God can never be surprised. He sees things coming before they even enter our thoughts. I think it all boils down to this. If you go into college thinking you will breeze right through, prepare yourself because everything is about to change. But don’t be scared of the change. Be grateful for the change, embrace the change, trust God, and watch Gods hand in every little detail of your beautiful story.

8.) Your strength is limitless.

I want you to stop what you are doing right now. Take a deep breath. And say, ” I am powerful. I am capable. I have the strength of the most-high King with me forever”. Now how do you feel? Pretty fantastic, am I right? There is something so incredible that accompanies a feeling of such power and strength. All of us want to be considered strong and capable people. College has a way of making those of us who struggle with inner strength feel very weak and defeated. I remember last semester struggling majorly with anxiety, as I have mentioned before. It was a very dark season in my life, but also was one of the most eye-opening. I grew stronger in my faith than I ever have before through that. I have had countless opportunities to share my testimony to people and to help people through tough situations. This is what I can only explain as divine intervention. God’s holy hand on his beloved people. But I also discovered something so beautiful, so refreshing, so precious that nothing on this earth can ever take away. Not only did Jesus wipe our sins away on that cross, but He also gave us the strength to withstand anything that comes our way through His name and through His almighty power. Before this past year, I never understood the saying, “You are so much stronger than you know”. But now I understand exactly what that means. When we are living a life of comfort and ease, we are never challenged to a point where true strength is really necessary. It is through the change, through the trials, through the obstacles and disappointments of life that we see the strength we never knew we had. The strength that comes not from our own power, but through Jesus and his power. Wow. When you each come to realize how strong each one of you are, you will have such confidence and such a new appreciation for who Jesus is and who He will always be. College is tough. It is change. It is challenging. And you will struggle. But it is thought the struggle that you will discover who you truly are. A strong, capable, earth-shaking, ground-breaking, god honoring, god fearing, kingdom-warrior of a women or man. That is where true strength lies. At the foot of the cross.

9.) You have the world at your finger tips and Jesus right beside you, nothing is impossible.

Jesus did not die on that cross for nothing. He died for you. He died for me. Despite anything we would ever do or say. He loves us exactly where we are. So when everything around you seems unsure. When everything around you seems like it is unfair. When college seems like too much to handle. Remember this. Jesus and His promises are constant and never change. Jesus is for you and He is fighting for you. There is a plan, and oh goodness I could not be more excited to see the rest of the story.

 

 

 

Mothers have this certain resilience about them. Strength, Courage, Determination, and Patience are just a few of the many attributes a mother possesses. Even without the title of Mother, women hold a strength that embodies grace and might.

First, let me start off by talking about one of the biggest things my mother has taught me during my 19 years of life year on earth.

My mother grew up in a christian home with very loving parents. She had 2 older brothers to always make life a little more interesting. As the years passed, she met someone by the name of Dave. One year later, that man would become her husband.

After a year or so of being happily married, my parents decided it was time to start a family. After struggling with getting pregnant, they decided to go the IVF route. The pregnancy test was positive! It wasn’t just one baby… it was 3! Happiness was spread everywhere, friends and family were called, baby names were picked out, and rooms were painted and decorated for the big day. My parents waited anxiously for the arrival of their precious babies.

As the pregnancy progressed, everything looked perfectly normal and healthy.

With still weeks before the due date, my mom knew something was wrong. The contractions started and labor began. She was rushed to the hospital and delivered all three babies. The heaviest weighing a mere 2 pounds. Holding that tiny hand and seeing that tiny chest rise and fall. After the first day, the first baby passed away. Another day passed, and the second baby left this earth to be with our Heavenly Father. On the third day, the last baby went home to be with his brother and sister.

The agony. The absolute terror. The worst possible outcome. And every parents worst nightmare. How my parents came out of that, I still do not know. The only logical explanation is jesus. It has and will always be Jesus.

After a year of copping with the tremendous losses of these three precious babies, my parents decided to try again. They were nervous, and for good reasons. However, going the same route with IVF, they became pregnant with twins!

I can only imagine the anxiety my mom felt day by day, hoping this pregnancy would have a positive outcome.

Finally, the day had come. It was time for the twins to be born. Everyone waited in anticipation in the waiting room.

Suddenly, my dad comes skipping down the hall saying, “They’re here! They’re here!”

Everyone leaped up in excitement and everyone cried that day. But all for joy. For the greatness and faithfulness of God had rested on that hospital that day. And on that day, my brother and I were born into the world.

After the pregnancy, my mom struggled with weight issues. She was not where she wanted to be, nor was she very motivated. Finally, she decided she would act and take control of her weight so that she could be an example to my brother and I.

She started going to Weight Watchers and had major success. She began running short distances at a very slow pace. Now she has run about 20 marathons and has no means of stopping anytime soon. She runs every single day. She watches what she eats and makes sure to stay on track. She provides healthy meals for all of us to eat and enjoy. She is devoted to Jesus, she is an incredible leader and businesswomen,  and she is the best mom a girl could ask for.

My mother inspires me to become a healthier person. But not only that. She inspires me to never lose my faith in God because even in the darkest of places, His light will always shine through. No matter how hard the situation I am placed in feels, I can always be strong and push through. She loves me unconditionally each and every day and shows me what a true faith in Jesus truly looks like. I know that my angel brothers and sisters are looking down from heaven in awe of how great their mother is and I bet they just can’t wait to meet her again someday.

Mothers, what on earth would we ever do without them?

Imagine. Your feet touching the ground, one after the other. As your breath begins to hasten, slow drips of H2O and salt slide down your forehead. Your heart beats faster and faster, and you feel as though your mind is sorting out right from wrong. The clouds begin to clear as you splash through the deep puddles filled with mud and you feel the soft rays of sunshine against your cheeks. Ah, yes. The sweet melody of running.

Running is one of those things that I grew up dreading. In PE, I remember running the mile every week and hating every second of it. It wasn’t just the fact that we had to run, its the fact that it was always a competition and I seemed to never be quick enough.

Isn’t that how our lives feel sometimes? We run and run and run. But to no avail. We can never keep up with the world and all of its demands. I first noticed how much I enjoyed running when I was in 7th grade. I was on an indoor soccer team and we were playing our first game. I fell in love with the intensity and speed of the sport, as well as the aspect of enjoyability I hadn’t had before. From then on, I realized that running was something I could do and never get tired of. Eighth grade I decided to train for my first half marathon. I knew how hard it would be, however, I trained with some of my best friends and that made the time and pain fly by a lot faster. I realized then that the joy did not come when I was running, but afterwards. The sense of accomplishment and the feeling that you gave everything you had and more. My junior year of high school, I decided to do cross country. Now mind you, before this year I didn’t even know what cross country was. All I knew was that there was such a thing as cross country skiing.

My first year of cross country was rough to say the least. I really thought that cross country races would be like easy 5K’s you did with your family. Was I wrong. My first race, I remember running with my best friend and saying “I can’t do it, I can’t do it” as I was running. My lungs were on fire and I felt like I was going to keel over and die. That year, I had many great PR’s and accomplishments. However, I also had many tough and brutal races. I lost my grandpa towards the end of the season and the race I wanted to run for him turned out to be one of the hardest races i’ve ever ran. Not just emotionally, but physically. I lost one shoe at the start of the race and had to run the whole race through the mud, rocks, and sticks in immense pain. After that race, I remember feeling so defeated. Like nothing was going right.

Flash forward to senior year of cross country, everything changed. This season was one that taught me so many valuable life lessons and brought lifelong friendships. We accomplished greatly together, but we also went through some tough times together. Thats what made it worth it. Being together and pushing each other. I remember during every single race, I would wonder why I was doing this to myself. I would be hurting all over and I wondered what would happen if I just stopped running altogether. Every time, I would take one more step, I would take one more breath, and I would finish that race no matter how weak I felt. Because it wasn’t about me. It was about something far greater.

 

Wow, what a long story. However, it serves a greater purpose. Running taught me many things over the years. But one thing running has taught me that is absolutely invaluable is that we are much stronger than we think we are. When we were created, we were formed by a God of no impossibilities. How cool is that?

 

When I am struggling with debilitating anxiety and worry, I always remember my races. When I felt like it was over and I could give no more, I could always push past what I thought I was capable of. I truly believe this is how each and every one of us was created We think we have limitations based on what the world tells us, but we forget that our God has no limitations. On our own, we may stumble and fall. But when we cling to our true strength, we can find that our capabilities go far beyond what our mind is capable of comprehending.

God has truly shown me recently what He is capable of doing. Sometimes we get into the habit of training our minds to believe that we are incapable. In reality, we are conquerors . But that is only when we are tapping into the capable power of Jesus Christ.

I never thought I would be where I am now back in September. What I thought was impossible back then, God has shown me is possible and it will work together for good. No matter what life throws you, sometimes we just want to curl under a rock and not face the storm in front of us. We lack the courage to stand against the storm and tell it how big our amazing God is. It is only when we finally start running, one step at a time, that we are able to finish the race set before us with endurance.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us”

Hebrews 12:1

Social media. Wow is there a lot to say about this topic. When I was about younger, I thought social media was so much fun. Facebook was all the rage due to Instagram and snapchat not yet becoming popular. I remember as a little girl, I would go through Facebook and be so naive to all that the world had to offer, good and bad. I would look at my friends pictures they had posted and would use thousands of emojis and exclamation points. Once i got a bit older, I got an Instagram, Snapchat, and a Twitter. When I first started out in high school, thats when my view of social media changed completely. It went from being naive to being fully aware of things I was too young to be exposed to. It went from 1 hour a day total to 4 hours a day on social media. It went from harmless to toxic within months.

Social media can be a very useful, helpful tool for those who are keeping in contact with loved ones, trying to promote business, or simply just to see what people are up to now. Unfortunately, social media can be more toxic than helpful. I went through a phase in my life when I realized just how much my phone and social media had over my life. I would scroll through Instagram or twitter for hours, just to feel completely empty and exhausted after. I started to notice the more time I spent viewing other peoples lives through screen, the more I began to feel less confident in my opinion of myself and my own life. It was almost as if someone was draining the life out of me.

Its so easy to see our life through the wrong lens, isn’t it? We view social media as a story telling all about peoples lives, when in reality its just a highlight reel. We try so desperately to gain more friends, followers, and likes that we miss out on what life is all about. You can’t truly live in the moment if you’ve got a phone or camera in front of your face. We certainly can’t see who we truly were created to be if we are comparing ourselves to others every single day. Without our constant worry about what others think of us, we are set free from things of this world that attempt to control our identity.

Every person was created for a purpose and a reason. Not a single soul has been left untouched by God’s amazing, infinite love and design. If you are struggling with overusing social media, I would encourage you to do one of two things. First of all, you could delete social media off of your device altogether. And no, you don’t have to delete your account, just the app. That way, you will be much less tempted to to use social media. Another option, is go through your friends and followers and delete those people who bring negativity into your life. If you cannot delete social media altogether, then filling your mind with positivity will be beneficial for your mood and overall well-being.

Struggling with something no one else can truly understand is tough to say the least

A little over a month ago, I moved into college with a nervous, but excited spirit. I was excited for what God had in store for my life, but nervous for all that was to come. Everything was fun and enjoyable the first couple weeks. It was overwhelming due to tough classes and meeting a lot of new people, but overall I was settling in quite well.

About 2 weeks into my college experience, something changed drastically. That’s where my whole life changed.

I had always struggled with a normal amount of anxiety. When I drank coffee or right before a test, I would get nervous and as anxious as anyone else would get. However, my third week of college I experienced a very different kind of anxiety.

This anxiety was affecting every aspect of who I was. First of all, it took a toll on my emotional health. It began with getting worked up about even the smallest of things and then escalated to worrying constantly.

It then took a toll on my physical health. I was constantly feeling dizzy, my chest felt tight all of the time, and it was hard to breathe.

At that point, I decided to go home and see a doctor. After going to the doctor, she reassured me in telling me it was anxiety. She prescribed me Lexapro and I felt hopeful. The first day on the medication I felt awesome and was super energetic. Then, the next three days were miserable. I went back to my college and spent the next few days throwing up and barely being able to drink water, let alone eat food.

Desperate, I went to the Student Health Services building at my college. I had been there many times before for this so they were starting to get to know me. The doctor there prescribed me Xolof and told me to stop taking the Lexapro. I asked them if this new medication had worse side effects, and they told me no. With that, I picked up the prescription and started on that medication. Again, the first day on that medication, I felt wonderful. The next day, however, was one of the worst days of my life.

I woke up feeling horrible. I could not keep food down and was so worn out and exhausted. I missed classes and was in bed the majority of the day. As the day came to a close, I noticed something happening to me. Something that had never ever crossed my mind before. I was having thoughts of hurting myself or ending my life. That night I felt so exhausted and hopeless. I felt as though there was only one way of escaping this horrible disease. In that moment, I remembered everything my mom had taught me when I was little. She had talked to me about how suicide is never the option and that it effects so many people.I thought of all of my friends, family, and my boyfriend who loved me so much and would be crushed if I did anything. This was something that the doctor had told me could be a potential side effect. I never thought I would deal with it considering I had absolutely no other times I had thought that way. Thats how I immediately knew that these thoughts were coming from the medication. I immediately threw every single pill in the garbage and dropped to my knees. I opened up my bible and read and read and read. I surrounded myself with friends and made sure to not let the devil try to invade my mind again. That night I vowed to never take another pill for my anxiety ever again.

The next week went by so quickly. I stopped taking my medication. I decided to take a leave of absence from college in order to get healthy again without having to worry about classes and other obligations. I had lost 10 pounds within a week and a half, I wasn’t able to eat very much or sleep, and water was tough for me to swallow. My anxiety was taking over every aspect of who I was.

Once I got home, my anxiety slowly began to subside. It never goes away completely, you just learn different ways of coping with it. I started exercising a lot more, eating healthier, and taking care of myself.

I want to use my experience with anxiety to help those of you who are feeling as though no one understands. I am here to be that person who tells you, “I understand completely, and you are not alone.”

I understand what its like to have people ask you:

“Well, what are you anxious about?”

“Why are you so anxious?”

And not being able to answer those questions because if you knew the answer to those, then you wouldn’t even have the anxiety in the first place.

Anxiety is very tough to deal with. Its hard to explain to people because, most of the time, you have no idea why you are anxious.

Its also difficult because it takes a toll on those around you. My boyfriend is such an amazing person. He has been by my side through all of this and has put up with my constant worrying, panic attacks in public places, and my constant need of reassurance. However, it does take a toll on relationships if you allow it to. You are in control, even though it may feel like you are not. I had to learn this. Its not easy, but it is worth it if you truly do care about the relationships you have. All people want to do is help you, but its really difficult to truly let people in for fear of being a burden. That was something I truly struggled so much with. Being a burden is one of my biggest fears. So having to be helped instead of being the helper was very very difficult for me. However, I know that God was shaping me to be a more humble servant.

Jesus has never left your side through all of this. You really need to know this. I know that it may have felt like He did a long time ago. Through all of the dark, sleepless nights. Through all of the constant panic attacks and feeling like you are completely hopeless. Through all of the times when you felt like giving up, He never did. Yes, He did allow this to happen to you. Could He have stopped it or taken it away by now? Absolutely. But He didn’t. This can cause many of us to wonder if God even cares for us if He is allowing this to happen. However, we have to remember that everything that happens to us is for OUR good and for HIS glory. This life is not your own. It is HIS and has always been HIS. We may not understand now why these things happen, but we will one day. And we can hold onto that hope forever. We can push on and fight because of what Jesus has already overcome on the cross. HE is carrying you through this. He really is. He loves you, He sees you, and He sees you as a treasure. If you have breath in your lungs and a heartbeat in your chest, YOU have a purpose and you are there for a reason. Open your bible and read. Listen to podcasts and sermons. Get involved in your church. Live a life outside of yourself and you will be amazed at the healing it is able to do. Jesus sees you. He wants you. He longs for you. And He will fight this battle, from start to finish, for YOU. You need only to be still and rest in the peace that surpasses all understanding.

Every moment begins with a single heartbeat, a single word, a single breath. These moments then collect themselves into memories. These memories are the things we cling to. The memories I have made with you thus far have been the greatest I have ever experienced.

Every day I look forward to even just a simple text.

A simple smile plastered across that face that I can’t get enough of.

A single hug that I feel most safe within.

The sound of that voice of yours that is like music to my ears. It is the grandest symphony of all.

A single touch that sends my heart racing and puts all of my fears to rest.

Every day tasks become endless adventures with you. You make even the cloudiest days sunny once more.

You are my sunshine.

When i’m with you, thats the only place I want to be. Because you are home to me.

I know I am stubborn most of the time, but you never give up on me. For that I am so very thankful.

Life with you is an endless adventure. New turns and twists every single way we go, but nothing can tear us apart.

I know that I don’t always make things easy for you, but you have stuck with me through absolutely everything.

You love me for exactly who I am and support me in whatever I want to be or do. You help me to see myself as a true daughter of the one true King every single day. It’s because of you that I now know what true love actually is.

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy or boast. Its rejoicing with each other. Its grieving with each other. Its never losing hope and never ever giving up. Love never fails. A love that’s anchored in Jesus is a love that encompasses all of these traits.

You have shown me what love truly is and how beautiful it can be.

Loving you is my favorite thing in the world. The feeling I get when I am with you is like none other. I never want it to stop. My heart begins to beat faster, my worries fade away, and I get butterflies in my stomach even after a year has gone by.

No matter where we go, I can always count on you to take my hand, bring a smile to my face, make me laugh, and lead the way. You lead, and I will always follow.

Being apart is excruciatingly painful, but I know that it only makes us stronger in the end. I know we can make it through anything life throws our way because of how truly I do love you and how much I believe in what we have.

No matter where we go, or what we do, You will always be my greatest adventure.

Just thinking about you makes every day things, that normally bring me the greatest anxiety, simply fade away. I’ve never had someone who is able to do that by just simply existing.

Thank you for always fighting for me.

Thank you for always supporting me and being my biggest fan.

Thank you for loving me unconditionally every day.

Thank you for holding me tight when I am sad, and jumping with me when I’m happy.

Thank you for changing my life forever for the better and for being the best part of me.

Thank you for being you.

I will always want you. I will always chose you over everyone else. I will always reassure you. I will always love you unconditionally. I promise to always support you and encourage you in whatever you decide to do. I will always trust you more than anyone in the world. I will always protect you. I will always serve you. I promise to always be yours for as long as you want me. You are a dream come true and I don’t know what I did to deserve you. You remind me of what it looks like to blend everything that’s beautiful about life together to form the most amazing human being to ever be created by such an amazing Maker. God created a masterpiece when He created you. And I cannot wait to see what the future holds.

I love you more than words can explain.

I will never give up on you. I want you to know that. I will never let you go.

Its you and me, now and forever.

No matter where we are, I hold onto the memories we have made and have yet to make, and my heart fills with a warmth that only comes from an unexplainable kind of love. True love.

You are my best friend, the love of my life, and the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

When I told you I wanted to scream my love for you from the mountain tops, I was not kidding. This post was made for all of us who have a person in our life who deserves the world. You, my love, deserve the world. I will do everything in my power to give that to you, now and forever.

Adventure is out there. And there is no one else I’d rather find it with.

Because you are my greatest adventure. And you always will be.

Yesterday, I was scrolling through Jefferson Bethke’s youtube channel (because he and his wife are the bomb), when I came across a video that they had posted talking about healthy relationships. Being in an already healthy relationship, I decided to watch it to gain more wisdom on how to make it even healthier. Jefferson Bethke first begins to point out how we sometimes get so caught up and infatuated with our significant other, that we subconsciously allow that person to become our “god”. As a christian, I at first thought that statement did not reign true in my own heart. I believe in only one God and I worship him alone. However, as I allowed God to unravel deep in my heart, I began to realize the problem that so many of us face every day.

Psalm 146:3-5

“Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save. When their spirit departs, they return to the ground; on that very day their plans come to nothing. Blessed are those whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord their God.”

Acts 4:12

“Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be save”

We tend to judge those who worship “false gods” that can be physically seen. However, we don’t realize that we worship something or someone every second of our lives. If it is not Jesus every second of every day, then we are making things our “false gods”. It can be a significant other, food, porn, alcohol,drugs, or even tv. Whatever it may be, we are a slave to that thing or person when we make them the center of our lives, or our “god”. When God, the one true living God, is not in the center of our lives, everything begins to crumble. Relationships may be destroyed, jobs may be lost, anxieties may rise, and life seems to be falling apart. It’s hard to build a solid life on a rocky foundation. Having Jesus at the center of your life can change everything because he is the anchor on which you can place all of your hope. The sold rock on which you can stand when all around you may be sinking sand.

Getting back to relationships. Relationships are what God created to mend humans together. From the very beginning with Adam and Eve, Jesus wanted relationships to be a thing that helped form this world. However, our world is a fallen world. Sin is absolutely everywhere and the devil is on the prowl. Just turn on the tv or listen to the radio and you will hear and see sexual references/jokes, objectification of women and men, and idolization of material possessions. All of this intoxicates people. Desires and lust run wild and there seems to be no stopping it. However, did we forget about who has already claimed the victory? Jesus Christ has defeated death and overcame the devil. None of this can consume us if our relationships are rooted in Jesus and Jesus alone. When we don’t follow God’s commandments and don’t treat our bodies like the temples they were created to be, we risk losing ourselves. Relationships, when founded in Jesus, can take root in jesus alone and can sprout beautiful roses that sing the Lord’s praises.

When we make a conscious decision to take control of our relationships, you will see something truly beautiful happen. Fights and arguments will begin to diminish or lessen in intensity. Lustful passions will be easier to fight back because of the roots pf Jesus that have taken hold in your heart already. When you and your boyfriend/girlfriend have a heart full of Jesus, there isn’t room for any lust or jealousy to squirm its way in. It can’t be just one sided as well. Both people have to be invested in this and leaning into Jesus and his word daily, praying for one another continuously. I am not saying you shouldn’t love your significant other and make them an important part of your life, thats not what I am saying at all. Just be cautious not to make them your “idol”. By making them this, or more important than Jesus, little arguments and disappointments can become big arguments and disappointments because that person has become, as Jefferson Bethke put it, “your living savior”. Or your “Jesus replacement” you could say. Jesus should be higher above anything and anyone else. Be consciously giving that person over to the Lord every day.

Jesus has a plan bigger than any of our own. If you are in an unhealthy relationship right now, don’t lose hope. It is never too late to come back to Jesus, because he has open arms 24/7. When you think you have sinned too deeply to come back to Jesus and for him to love you, think again. Jesus wants nothing more than for his precious son/daughter to come running back to him.

To those in a stable relationship right now, I encourage you to keep doing what your doing, but to never stop searching for ways to strengthen your relationship with each other. Also, do not risk becoming too comfortable where you are in both your relationship with your significant other/spouse and with Jesus. Keep that fire burning through the one who’s light is brighter than all of the stars in the galaxy. Jesus. Jesus will reveal to you things about each other that will help strengthen the relationship and will ultimately bring him glory.

To single peeps, this post is very much for you too. I have two words for you. NEVER SETTLE. Ever. This is very hard to do, especially coming off of a really tough break up. However, do not let yourself do that. Jesus wants your heart first before you give it away to anyone else. Take this time to strengthen your relationship with the Lord so that he may reveal to you the right person at the right time. He has you right where he wants you. Singleness isn’t meant to punish you. It’s meant to grow you and help you to discover who you truly are in jesus. So relax and enjoy the ride. When your time comes, you will be absolutely amazed at how much God is able to outdo himself through another human being. I know I was absolutely blown away when this happened to me. So please don’t lose hope. Your story has already been written and it is just beginning.

 

HERE IS JEFFERSON BETHKE’S VIDEO

It is seriously amazing and you will not regret watching it…

God has a pretty incredible way of showing how big He is. This past week, I had the privilege in running at State for cross country. I ran my personal best time and our girls team got 9th in the state. Not only that, but our boys team won state! That moment was one that I will remember forever. Its  easy to run to God in the bad times. We feel so desperate for God when we have nothing left to turn to. However, we called to so much more than that.

“Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.”

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Even though my life was so great for the past few weeks, I noticed something very concerning. I noticed that I wasn’t communicating with God. Sure, I thanked him for allowing me to race well. Yet, I didn’t feel that I needed to rely on him as much as I did when times were tough. In this verse, the apostle Paul clearly outlines how God wants us to live. Let’s break it down a little bit: Be cheerful no matter what. This definitely is easy to do in the good times. In the bad times, our instinct may be shut down. We may not understand why things happen, but we need to remember something very valuable. First, God never leaves us and never forsakes us. He is our ever-present hope. Our refuge and shelter in ever circumstance. Second, we are in control of our own attitude. Things will go wrong. There will be times that bring us to our knees. But that’s the time we have a very important choice. We can keep our heads down, or we can look up and open our arms to the King who died to know us.

Next, Paul calls us to pray ALL of the time. Not just when times are bad and we are desperate. Jesus calls us to pray even when times are good. Communication with our Maker is certainly one of the most important parts of our relationship with Him. God wants you to talk to him when you are celebrating. When things are amazing in our lives, we need to realize a few things. First of all, the glory is all His. He made us and gave us the talents we have and we must never forget who is in charge. We need to thank Him for designing us and for weaving these amazing gifts into who we are. Next, we need to realize that it is not about us. It is, first of all, about Jesus and His glory. It is also about others. Sometimes we get so caught up in ourselves that we forget that other people are suffering every single day. Life may be great for us, but there are people struggling closer than we think. Prayer can be such a powerful tool when it comes to fighting the enemy. It has been proven to be able to change lives and to change perspectives. We need to remember to pray for those that are going through tough times, even when times are amazing for us. It can really help us to humble ourselves before such an almighty King.

God gives us blessings and the good times to help get us through the bad times. Both will come in our lives, and we need to remember where to turn to when each comes. Jesus is the only way, the only truth, and the only life. We are being called to live a life that points back to Jesus. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t enjoy those precious moments that God gives us. We are called to follow Jesus on the mountaintops AND in the valleys of life. So take in every breath with gratitude, and exhale with the peace that surpasses all understanding. Because in the good times, He is with you. In the bad times, He is with you. All you need to do is humbly fall on your knees and look up. Look up to find an outstretched hand just waiting to pull you up.