Restored.
This is a feeling I was certainly not used to a year ago.
Let’s take a look back into the mind of Lura. October 2016.
Fall has always been my favorite season. The beautiful leaves lining those long streets. The smell of pumpkin spice lattes and apple cider everywhere you go. Ah fall, it never failed to disappoint. That is, until October 2016. Until the leaves became a dull shade of grey instead of their vibrant red,orange, and yellow
That season, the grip of anxiety controlled every thought, every move, and every moment of my life. Where I went, anxiety followed me there. There was nowhere I could go without being completely out of control. My life seemed to be getting less exciting. When I wanted to do something fun and go out with my friends, my anxiety said “no”. When I wanted to take a risk and do something I had never done before, my anxiety said “no”. Even when a friend would ask me out to coffee, my anxiety said “no”.
For that season, “no” was a word I grew accustomed to. It was the easy way out of difficult, anxiety-provoking situations. In those moments, however, I let anxiety control me. More than that, I let the devil control me. I chose to follow the booming advice of Satan, over the gentle whisper of my heavenly Father. Now, did I see it that way back then? Of course not. If I had, I wouldn’t have gave in to it. In those moments of “no”, however, Jesus was still saying “yes” to me. He want giving up on me, even when I chose to run the opposite direction.
As I turned away from medication to cope and looked to counseling instead, I felt a freedom I hadn’t felt in years. A freedom to be open and honest. A freedom to heal on my own terms. A certain strength came from that freedom. Slowly, I began to realize that letting go can be one of the best decisions I ever make. Letting go of the fear of being different. letting go of the fear of not having the same college experience as everyone else. Letting go of control, and allowing God to take over. That is where my true freedom was found. At the foot of the cross.
When I first started counseling, I wanted to be healed overnight. I didn’t want to struggle any longer. I needed answers, and I wanted them now.
However, it’s amazing that time can really do. It’s amazing what patience can really do. It’s amazing what the King of the universe can do with a single life.
Counseling is less about the counselor doing the work than it is you doing the work. Yes, they listen and give you tools. It is up to you, however, to implement those tools and put yourself in “anxiety-provoking” situations for practice.
This sounded awful to me. Not only do I have to be completely open with a stranger, but I have to put myself in situations that will cause me anxiety?? What kind of cure is this? How will this ever get me to where I want to be??
Those were the questions I asked last October. This October, I am a firm believer in everything counseling stands for. Most of all, I am restored. I may not be completely healed. I may never be completely healed from my anxiety.
However, it’s not about looking at how far you have to go. It’s about looking at how far you’ve come.
It moves me to tears to think just how gracious Jesus has been to me over the past year. Nothing I did or have done could ever explain the grace and love Jesus has poured over me. The fact that, when I went further, He drew nearer. The fact that, when I felt worthless, he saw me as priceless. The fact that, when it felt like a prison, He was making it my platform. I am completely unworthy of all Jesus is and all He does. That makes me want to run to Him all the more. He calls me worthy. I am restored and I want my life to be an example of the power and the goodness of jesus Christ. My dear brothers and sisters, He will set you free. Addictions, anxiety, depression, etc.. You can be restored. Those fall leaves have been restored to their vibrant beauty.
But Lura, what if I’m too broken for Jesus?
I too have asked that same question. Let’s take a look back and see how Jesus dealt with broken people. Jarrid Wilson, a well-known blogger, author, and speaker, put it this way:
- Abraham -Was old.
- Elijah – Was suicidal.
- Joseph – Was abused.
- Job – Went bankrupt.
- Moses – Had a speech problem.
- Gideon – Was afraid.
- Samson – Was a womanizer.
- Rahab – Was a prostitute.
- Samaritan Woman – Divorced.
- Noah – Was a Drunk.
- Jeremiah – Was young.
- Jacob – Was a cheater.
- David – Was a murderer.
- Jonah – Ran from God.
- Naomi – Was a widow.
- Peter – Denied Christ three times
- Martha – Worried about everything.
- Zacchaeus – Was small and money hungry.
- The Disciples – Fell asleep while praying.
- Paul – A Pharisee who persecuted Christians before becoming one.
As you can see, God has a special way of using broken people. If you think you are too broken for God to use, think again.
You are a force to be reckoned with because you have the God of angel armies on your side. He will heal. He will restore.
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven”
Ecclesiastes 3:1
Lifeline 